Where are all the anxiety storylines?

So this was quite an unexpected post for me to write but I thought I'd just sit down and write about some of my thoughts and feelings surrounding anxiety in the public eye.

This sudden burst to write was brought on by watching a fellow YouTubers video. I've been watching Beckie Brown otherwise know as Beckie0/TrichJournal on and off for years now and followed her on journey with Trichotillomania. This is the condition in which one feels the compulsion to pull out their own hair. Now the video that particularly inspired me to write this is titled "A Trich Casualty" in which she recaps the latest episode of "Casualty" where one storyline features a woman suffering from Trich.

What sparked this post wasn't about Trich or the storyline itself it was that I have never seen a programme, storyline or documentary about Anxiety! Surprising when we really think about it. Yes there may be some out there, that I don't doubt, but nothing has ever crossed my path. Before writing this I even searched on YouTube for some documentaries and very little came up. However if you type in "Anxiety" you are flooded with people experiences and stories, this shows that as a community we ourselves are trying to educate people as the media simply doesn't. Zoe Sugg most known for her beauty videos also suffers from panic attacks and anxiety,  she documents this within advice videos and vlogs on her channel and has even gone on to talk about the subject on This Morning. For me she is the leading celebrity figure talking about it.
Whilst researching for this post I came across Sam from Pixiwoo's video about her anxiety and I could relate a lot to what she was saying, it was also interesting to see how her sister deals with Sam's anxiety. I think I'd one day like to interview one or both of my parents as they see first hand how I suffer and try to deal with panic attacks.

Anxiety is such a wide subject that there is a lot that we, including myself, don't know about it. There are many forms of it from Panic Disorder to Social Anxiety Disorder and many more. For me its not just about educating those who have never experienced it but to reassure those suffering that people are standing up and really taking notice of this disorder. We like to think that as a country we are more accepting of Mental Health and we are but there simply is a lack of knowledge and often compassion for people suffering with anxiety and panic attacks.

So back to my original point. We see so often ground braking storylines on soaps and other tv series for example ones on teenage pregnancy and HIV but why is it that they are yet to tackle a storyline on anxiety or panic attacks? It would be really interesting to see how they portray the feelings, emotions and consequences that anxiety brings. However there is the risk like the Casualty episode that it would get misinterpreted or over dramatised but I feel that would be far outweighed by the attention the storyline brings to the subject.

I will continue to talk about anxiety and panic attacks as it is important to me to share my story and thoughts in the hope of helping just one person to know they're not alone in their feelings. I also see this as an online diary although I suppose diary isn't the right word seeing as I'm making it so public!

I thank you for reading this far as it means you either have some interest in me, anxiety or just what I have to say.

Until next time, Sophie xx

Book Corner | Ask Elizabeth by Elizabeth Berkley

Rating: 4/5
Pages: 240

Ask Elizabeth is a survival guide for what is primarily aimed at girls but I believe is relatable for any teenager struggling to well... be a teenager. Elizabeth Berkley is most well known for her role as Jessie is Saved By The Bell.
This book is comprised of anecdotes, facts from experts and stories from Elizabeth herself. It focuses on a wide range of topics such as bullying, body confidence and dealing with death.

Overall I feel this book would benefit most from teens who are at school such as 12-16 as I feel this is the time you most struggle with your feelings and dealing with stress as a teenager. I felt despite the fact that there were stories from girls my age (18) I didn't benefit from some of the topics as I have already gone through school and the experiences that come with it.

As you can see from these pictures the book is laid out like a scrapbook and really gives the feeling of opening a diary or girls survival guide. As novel as this is at times it did make it hard to read some of the stories due to the fonts used which were made to look like handwriting. In the picture above and below you can see pink writing which is Elizabeths on notes and opinions on a subject or story which was a nice personal touch. However due to the ever changing fonts it made it hard to know when Elizabeth was speaking and I feel it would of been easier for all her text to be in one font or colour.

Despite feeling that I couldn't relate to certain subjects anymore such as loosing friends and dealing with bullies I did feel that there was advice on subjects that I could use in years to come. No doubt there will be a breakup that I'll need to get over or a passing of a family member that I'll have to grieve for and I know that I can come to this book to see how other girls have dealt with these situations.

I feel that this book really reminds you that you're not alone in what you're feeling and that many other girls and even boys share the same experiences. I feel this would be a lovely book to give a niece, daughter or younger sister to help them with the struggles of puberty and ultimately being a teenager in such a modern society. 

Over on my YouTube page I've filmed a review on Ask Elizabeth which you can see below.

Until next time, Sophie x

McBusted MEAT Experience.

On the 15th of April me and two friends went and saw McBusted at the BIC in Bournemouth (their second show). Last year I went to two of their shows and didn't want to miss out on their Most Excellent Adventure Tour this year. In this post I will be sharing my thoughts on the show as well as featuring some of the photos and videos I took. One day I would love to be a professional concert and live music photographer but until then I'll keep buying tickets and supporting the bands I love.  Like I said I also take videos to be able to capture the moment and look back on them in weeks, months and years to come. 

My videos feature on my concert YouTube here.

My photos can be seen on my website here. 

So it was my turn this year to get the tickets therefore the pressure was on! Luckily I was able to get left balcony front row seats and really we had the best seats of the house. This year they featured the OMFG zone which is more exclusive and gets you closer to the band and next time I'd really consider getting tickets there if only for the amazing photos I'd get ( plus its not as crowded and as a short person I'd get a good view). 

Me and my friends weren't that bothered about seeing the support acts therefore we arrived just before the second act ended. This was perfect as the merchandise line was virtually non existent and we could easily find our seats during the interval. 

McBusted came on at 8:55pm and finished at 10:40pm which was very prompt and I felt they didn't talk as much to the crowd as maybe they did on the last tour. 

When me and my friend saw the setlist we noticed how similar it was to last time and that they were playing a lot of the same songs. Personally I would of liked to of seen more songs from their new album. 

As usual though McBusted put on an amazing performance and their energy never lacks. I always walk away feeling good about their concerts. 

So their stage was set up like a huge arcade machine ( that actually works) and during the show the boys took a break to play Street Fighter on it. There were a few eventful moments during the show that i'd like to mention the first being the kiss cam that happened during "It's All About You" which everyone happily or reluctantly took part in. Next during their new song "Riding On My Bike" James actually did ride his bike around the stage and you can see that in my video below. 

One funny thing that the band kept going on about was that they weren't in "Bournemouth" they were in "James Bourne's mouth" which was an ongoing joke throughout the show.  During "Obviously" the band took it almost acoustic at one point and let the audience be the main focus whilst holding their lights/phones in the air, it was a really nice break from such high energy performances. Before playing "Crashed The Wedding" the boys made a nod to their last tour in which Matt came out in a wedding dress; well this time Matt came out in a Tux, Dougie was the bride, Harry was the vicar and the rest of the boys were bridesmaids. There was confetti thrown and Dougie even through out his bouquet. 

As always the crowd participation was great and the boys always play up for them. 

This has been my first concert of the year and it reminded me how much I love photographing concerts and being able to capture such exciting shows! 

I'll leave you with a photo and video or two as well as the vlog I recorded over on my personal YouTube channel.

Until next time, Sophie x

Large knit infinity scarf for beginners | My Experience

So recently I finished my second knitting project, as you can see above. I completed it in only 2 days and is great for beginners. Let me start off by saying I self taught myself to knit and so far I haven't used a pattern for any of my projects, I just wing it.

After using such small needles for my first project I decided it was time to go big! I decided to find a wool that would work well with larger needles and ended up with ones that were 9mm in size.

I purchased this wool from Hobby Craft and ended up only needing two bundles. This wool is super soft and was really nice to knit with, plus its a super gorgeous grape colour.

For this project I decided to again stick with just doing a knit stitch as it was what I was familiar with and I wanted to really perfect this scarf. I cast on 20 stitches and I am proud to say I finished the whole project without dropping any stitches or making any holes!

The picture below shows my cast off, which I always find is neater than my cast on despite being more time consuming. 

So due to the width of the scarf I again decided to make it into an infinity scarf and I used a large needle to sew the two ends together. I have looked at YouTube videos to see how best to do it but I always find I end up just winging it and doing what works best for my particular piece.

I have to say the join of the scarf is a little messy however once worn you can barely notice. 

Overall I was really pleased with how the scarf turned out and I've been wearing it a lot. Theres just something so warming about wearing something you've made. 

If you have any questions feel free to leave a comment below.

Until next time, Sophie x

Book Corner | Divergent Series by Veronica Roth

So recently I finished reading the Divergent series by Veronica Roth. In this post I will be reviewing the four books but more specifically Allegiant and Four as those are the two I have recently read rather than reread.

Divergent

When I first read Divergent I was hooked! I loved the new dystopian world that Roth created and at the time I hadn't read many dystopian set books. The book centres around a girl called Beatrice/Tris who at 16 is put into a choosing ceremony in which she has to choose which faction to live in and wether she will stay with her family in Abnegation. Tris decides to leave her family and chooses Dauntless as her new home. We then follow her as she goes through the initiation process and how she copes in such brutal surroundings. I don't know of many people who haven't either read the book or seen the film but it is well worth a read!

Now if you intend to read the trilogy I suggest you stop reading here as it will contain spoilers to each book.

Insurgent
So like I said I really enjoyed Divergent and for me its the best out of the 3 books.
I recently reread Insurgent in preparation to see the film and second time around the book just didn't excite me as much or have as much impact as I remembered. I felt like you were constantly waiting for something to happen however we did learn a lot about the factionless and the factions themselves.
In Inurgent I feel that Tris mades some reckless decisions that she didn't properly think about what the consequences would be for other people. I was annoyed when she handed herself over to Erudite and Jeanine and it made her seem as if she thought she was invincible just because she was Divergent.

After now watching the first film and seeing who they have cast for the characters I've only just realised how much older they casted as Tris is only 16 and Four is supposed to be 18 however they look much older on screen.

I recently just watched Insurgent at the cinema and was really please with the result as it really gave us a look at some of the other factions! Who knew those in Candor were so fashionable?! I also liked Peter's character a lot more as you were able to pick up his sarcasm which I couldn't in the book. Dare I say the film was better than the book? However I did notice that they didn't mention that the woman on the film at the end was Tris' and Caleb's ancestor and I wonder if this is something they'll include later in Allegiant.

Allegiant
The big difference about Allegiant is that it is told from both Tris' and Fours point of view. At first this made it a little hard to read as I would forget who I was reading as but after a few chapters it became second nature.
In Allegiant we find out what is beyond the fence and fields of Amity and that the city the factions lie in is actually an experiment based in Chicago. In the book I felt as if Tris and the rest of the group just stepped outside the fence and within minutes came across an abandoned town and the bureaux whereas in the films we can see the extensive forest and land that it beyond the fence.

One of the biggest pieces of information we learn is what Divergent actually means. It was extremely satisfying to finally learn that people who are Divergent have had all their genes and characteristics fully restored after many were destroyed due to the setup of the factions. This area is slightly hazy to me as to how it happened however Divergent people are seen as being genetically pure rather than genetically damaged which is what we learn Four is and that he isn't actually Divergent he just shows signs of it.

The way the bureaux can constantly watch the city and the fact that its all an experiment really reminded me of the Maze Runner series especially as they get to meet people from the outside world who created the factions.

In Allegiant you realise how much Tris' parents hid from their children and how much they knew of the outside world due to their mother coming from another city outside of Chicago and being placed into the new experiment.

Overall I really wasn't that interested in the first three quarters of the book and it wasn't until the last few chapters that I became really gripped. Towards the end of the book Tris decided to take her brother's place to stop the release of the memory serum as she knew he wasn't sacrificing himself out of love but for his previous bad actions. Tris managed to get through the death serum that protected David's lab however in reaching for the memory serum David shoots Tris who subsequently dies. (In the film I can see this being a really emotional ending). After reading that bit I really understood why people were so conflicted on the ending. Yes it's sad she died but I felt the ending that followed was really beautiful.

We go on to read about Four repairing his relationship with his mother and Chicago now being at peace with its people and factions.
Four tries to use the memory serum on himself so he doesn't have to live a life without Tris however Christina stops him and the book ends with Four riding the infamous zip wire to spread Tris' ashes. Cue major waterworks when I see this at the cinema!
In hindsight I can see why Roth included Tobias' perspective in Allegiant as we were able to see what happened to Tobias and Chicago past Tris' death.
Overall I really was underwhelmed with this final book and the ending only just managed to somewhat save it.

Four
Four is a novella that is comprised of 5 short stories. When Veronica Roth was writing Divergent she originally started writing it from Tobias' point of view and then later scrapped it for Tris' character. The first three stories are what she wrote in that time. I'm so glad Roth decided to put all these stories together in a book as it made for a really nice round up of the series. As we ended Allegiant from Four's perspective it made the book "Four" seem like he was having a flashback to before he met Tris and her initiation process.

This book takes us through Tobias' life in Abnegation and having to live with his father. We also follow him as he takes part in his choosing ceremony and ultimately chooses Dauntless. I felt that Tobias' ceremony was very similar to Tris as they both wanted to get out of their former lives, however they don't quite realise what they're about to get themselves into when they choose Dauntless.

Overall I found this book to be a really quick and pleasant read, so much so I gave it 5 stars on Goodreads. It ties with Divergent as my favourite books in the series (probably because they both focus somewhat on Tris' initiation and the time surrounding it).

I filmed a review of Allegiant and Four over on my YouTube page which you can see below.

Until next time, Sophie x

Disney Pin Tag | ImSarahSnitch

This post is in response to a video I saw ImSarahSnitch record on her YouTube channel. It is a 7 question disney pin tag which I really wanted to share. 

1. Which is your oldest pin?

Of course I couldn't pick just one pin. These pins were released in 2003 and that is when I believe I started collecting. Therefore these may not be my oldest pins but they are the first ones I physically remember having as a child.

The first Belle pin unfortunately broke and I lost the top part which was a mirror compact. The two other princess pins featured on a 4 piece lanyard set and I traded the other two identical pins. The final pin features stitch reading to some ducklings and I find this pin to be adorable despite me not being a big fan of Lilo & Stitch.

2.Which is your newest pin?

My most recent pin I purchased on Ebay after seeing a couple other sellers offer it at ridiculous prices. So when I saw this Mary Poppins pin up at a good price I snatched it up right away. It celebrates the movies 50th anniversary and features Mary Poppins, Bert and the Penguins.

 

3. A pin that features your favourite character.

These two pins obviously relate to Mary Poppins. The carousel pin on the left I found at a Flea Market in Florida and I really want the Bert pin to match. 

The pin on the right I bought when we saw Mary Poppins on Broadway and I loved the show.

4. A pin with a year or date on it.

5. A pin that has a funny story behind it.

I don't know if this story is necessarily funny but here goes. My dad wanted me to go on the Tower of Terror ride at MGM/Hollywood Studios with him so he actually bribed me with the incentive that I could buy a pin after the ride. So I braved the ride, hated it and got this pin to commemorate the experience. 

6. A pin with the most sentimental value.

These two pins are sentimental for different reasons. The left one I got on a school trip to France in which we visited Disneyland Paris and of course I had to get a pin to remind me of the trip. The right pin coincidentally is also from DLP but it was my first traded pin at Downtown Disney in Orlando.

7. A pin that took you the longest to find.

I wouldn't say it took the longest to find but I had been on the hunt for a Carousel Of Progress pin and this just happened to pop up on Ebay. With the help of my dad we bid on it and won( the only pin I've ever won on Ebay). The owner lived not far from my grandparents and therefore we agreed to pick it up ourselves. The lady was selling her sons collection and I got this pin for super good price and I ended up buying more pins at the sellers house.  

I hope you enjoyed seeing some of my pins I've not only created this post but recorded a video over on my YouTube channel which you can see below. 

Until next time, Sophie x

Artist spotlight | Kimberley Stone

So todays post is a little different. A couple months back my best friend, Kimberley Stone, asked me to photograph her university art work. I am always blown away by her work and she is extremely talented so I was really pleased that she asked me to do it. With her permission I am sharing her work with quotes and information from the artist herself.

The two pieces above represent global issues and how small communities have to face them. They were also paired with a four jar installation in which each jar represented one of the four elements. This is what Kim had to say on these pieces. 

"These studies formed part of an installation for my self-written project (2015). Prior to this, I watched Human Planet's documentary series and became largely fascinated by the small communities who participate in the tradition known as 'Gerewol'. These communities suffer severe isolation and drought, as well as the effects of living with these extreme conditions. However, when the short rainy season arrives these people travel hundreds of miles to meet all in one location to celebrate. One of the main advantages of this festival is the opportunity to ignite true love by sparking new flames or reigniting old ones. They dress in bright colours and show off their tribes hand-crafted jewellery and decorative clothing. The installation took me a couple of weeks to complete and was the final outcome for this unit. The book on the left shows an elderly couple reigniting their love at the festival and the book on the right displays the idea of these extreme isolated living conditions. This piece combines the widest range of materials than any other piece of work I have ever created. It consists of acrylic, pencil, graphite, watercolour, fineliner, decorative red feathers, charcoal, collage of Isolation and Gerewol articles and sand on two individual sketchbook double pages".

This acrylic painting was given to me by Kim for my birthday last year and is extremely special to me. Here is what Kim had to say on the piece. 

"She (Sophie) always used to create me these wonderful birthday cards using her skills as a talented photographer and I thought it was about time I did the same, using my own talents, especially now that my portraiture skills had drastically improved. I wanted to create something that wasn’t transient, something that hopefully she would keep for a long time, something that showed how wonderful I think she is. I took into consideration the use of whitespace for effect, the contrast it creates and the connotations of the colours used".

Here is what Kim had to say about the piece above and below.

"I am a huge fan of Disney, like most, and so often in my free time I find myself drawing the characters. These studies below are simply media explorations I did for fun and form a break from the fine art side of things, with its in-depth study of contexts, connotations and effect on the viewer. Here I have played with slightly abstracting the image, creating contrast, using space for effect, colour and its connotations, among other considerations. The first double page is a stencil print of Snow White using paint and a stencil, I obviously created and drew myself, and next is a quick study of Pooh bear and Christopher Robin created using pencil, ink and coloured inks. These were very quick studies and did not take long".

This is one of my favourite pieces that Kim has created as it really transports you to an autumnal scene. It is something I could see being framed and put on a wall for all to see. Here are Kim's reasons and inspiration for the piece.

"This piece formed part of my style exploration and artist influenced study; after seeing Modern Impressionist Leonid Afremov's work I was inspired to create a piece, in this style, of my own. Using the similar theme of forests I created my own 'Forest Road'. I am inspired by the vivid use of colour and how it achieves a positive reaction in the viewer. The piece aims to not create a complex range of connotations and contexts, but to simply to please, calm and be aesthetically and visually pleasing to all who look upon it. This piece cannot be missed, immediately catching your attention and holding your gaze with its array of upbeat colours and range of textures. This work can be associated with that within art therapy, aiming to relax the patient and place them in a happier frame of mind. I was fascinated by this strong effect on the audience and have been using colour and its connotations ever since. This piece is created with acrylic paint and is displayed within a sketchbook".

This piece was created in 2014 and was Kim's first portraiture piece. I feel that the level of detail and depth in this piece is phenomenal, here is what Kim had to say about it.

"This was a final outcome for a project surrounding the topic of 'Conflict'. The painting combines the representational and the abstract, in order to achieve the desired effect and show the story behind the piece. The imagery shows clearly, a retired war veteran in the present being haunted by the horrific memories of war that he previously endured. The most horrific and prominent, the screaming child, jumps out at the viewer, being the most abstracted and vibrant image on the canvas. The piece aims to show the audience the horrors and futility of war and its effects on the individual, also it allows the viewer to relate. War having ended within the older generation's lifetime, still affects us today and so the viewers all have their own histories and stories to relate to in this context. The piece also shows my exploration with materials and also depicts the idea of fading memory. Memory is transient, but is that a good thing or not? I have additionally, used colours to create certain associations within the viewers mind, i.e. blue we associate with sadness, depression, red with danger, war and bloodshed, green, with war and the army etcetera. This piece, alike the social issues installation, has too many connotations to note, but I have stated the key ones here. These images were inspired by photos, accounts and documents I myself collected from those who are close to me. This piece was also an exploration of the human condition and marked the beginning of a continuing exploration of this theme. This was a timed piece and took me 15 hours to complete and was created using coloured ink and ink wash, acrylic paint, pencil, graphite, ink and fine liner on canvas".

The acrylic paintings above and below are part of a project Kim created called "Repetition and multiples in nature".  Kim says that "the pieces aim to catch the eye of the viewer and express ideas of natural beauty". The one above was created in 2013 and is inspired by Georgia O'Keeffe's use of colour and Fauvism. The second painting was created in 2014 and follows on from the first. It is inspired by Afremov's style. Kim says that because the top piece was her first time using acrylic on such a large scale is took her a whopping 40 hours however the second piece only took a quarter of that time. 

This pencil study was Kim's first self portrait and took about an hour to draw. This is part of a four part series which shows different emotions using different medias and the one above focuses on the emotion happy. 

 Finally I want to include a piece that Kim recently showed me and that I am amazed by. As you can see the likeness is uncanny. She said it took her only 20 minutes! As someone far from naturally talented at drawing I couldn't
believe she could do it in such a quick amount of time.

To contact Kimberley you can email her at kymmjart@gmail.com and she is currently taking commissions. 

Until next time, Sophie x