Hi guys so I thought I'd do a little update on my anxiety and how things have been progressing for me over the past couple of months.
So back in June I wrote a post on how I had started to take medication to deal with my anxiety and how it was really helping to prevent panic attacks. I'll link that post here.
Its been 6 months since I wrote that post and I'd like to think i've come a long way! In no way am I saying i'm cured or that i've completely got rid of my anxiety but I'm able to manage it a lot better and i'm not letting it affect my day to day life as much.
So back in August I met my lovely boyfriend. Unfortunately we live 4 hours apart and therefore that involves a lot of travelling to see each other. The thought of getting on a four hour train journey on my own was pretty scary I'm not going to lie. But I just kept thinking of getting to see my boyfriend and that what pushed me through it. On that first trip I did get some anxiety but I made sure to have lots of programmes downloaded on my phone to distract me and to make the journey go quicker. Being in a city i'd never been to before and only knowing my boyfriend there further added to the anxiety but he was really supportive and his family also made me feel very welcome. I did get a small panic attack whilst on a bus as we used a lot of public transport and the feeling of being trapped gave me some anxiety. During that time I just focused on breathing and the end result of when we got off.
Since then I've done many more train journeys with no trouble. I think it's because its quite the norm now just to get on a train and I know i'll be alright. The big tester however was getting on the plane to go on our family trip this past November. Usually I get very anxious on the days leading up to the journey but surprisingly I was feeling quite calm. I'm not sure if this was down to my daily medication I take for my anxiety of if it's thanks to the hypnotherapy I had earlier in the year which focused heavily on flying. Either way right up to and including the flight I felt pretty calm despite our flight being delayed. I am really happy to say I went through both flights ( there and back) without having a panic attack! It did feel like a small miracle to be honest. I mainly watched films on the flight and didn't even need to use the colouring book I brought with me which I've had to use in previous journeys. One thing my boyfriend did for me which I found really helpful was he recorded voice messages for me to help calm me down if I was feeling anxious at any point. It was really reassuring to hear is voice and I could listen to them discreetly without anyone knowing what I was feeling.
Since then I have had a little bit of anxiety as I have been quite ill of late therefore it did upset it a little. Aside from that I am feeling a lot better and am feeling positive for the new year.
I've filmed a corresponding video which I will link below. There will also be another anxiety post coming up soon which focuses on how to help someone with anxiety so stay tuned for that.
Hey guys so today is another book review, this time on Far From You by Tess Sharpe. This was another book that I'd not heard mentioned in the book community and picked it up purely based on its intriguing blurb. This book follows a teenage girl called Sophie who is not only overcoming her drug abuse but coming to terms with the death of her best friend Mina.
I found the story line to this book really interesting as it unfolds like a murder mystery. Sophie has so much to deal with and prove not only to herself but her family.
One thing about this book is that it jumps back in forth between to time periods, so if this is something that you don't enjoy in a book or get confused by this is probably not the book for you. One set of chapters is set after Mina's death and follows Sophie through and getting out of rehab and trying to uncover Mina's murderer. The other half of the chapters are set before Mina's death and you really get to see what her and Sophie's relationship was like.
If you watch or have read Pretty Little Liars I feel you would enjoy this book however don't expect it to be anywhere near as good as PLL! Overall I did enjoy this book and gave it 3/5 stars however I probably wouldn't read it again.
Below is a more in depth review I filmed over on my YouTube Channel.
So seeing as I have so many books to review at the moment I thought I would combine them into one post. Stay tuned for the end for my corresponding video.
Pages:170
Rating: 5/5
So you may know the film or even the t.v. series 10 Things I Hate About you but did you know its based off of a book? 10 Things was originally written by David Levithan and is inspired by the Shakespeare novel "Taming Of The Shrew". 10 Things is my favourite film and I've been looking for ages for the book. Well recently I finally found it on the market place of Amazon and got it for around £4 used! I couldn't believe it! You can definitely tell its been read and pre owned however its still in really good shape all things considering. If you don't know the story its set in a high school and has a few main characters. Bianca and Kat are sisters and Bianca is set on being popular and dating Joey. Kat on the other hand is pretty much anti-everything including Joey. Cameron is new to Padua High School and instantly has a crush on Bianca however to get her to go on a date he needs to find a date for her sister Kat. This is where Mr. Patrick Verona comes into play to try and whoo Kat.
Its just a really funny typical teenage book and in my eyes a classic. I really could not recommend this book or the film enough!
Pages: 448
Rating: 3/5
This book is a true story based on the authors experiences and follows her from age 5 to around 18/19. Her story starts in Buczacz, Poland with her mother and 3 brothers. This book starts straight away by telling you who dies in Alicia's family and really sets the tone for the book. You know that it's not going to be easy for her to loose so many family members and that it will take a toll on the whole family. This book is quite different to other stories I've read of Jewish people during the war and Holocaust as they usually involve a camp of some sort or being held prisoner. Alicia's story was different as it was all about hiding and doing whatever she could to feed her family and hide from the authority's. One aspect of Alicia that stood out to me was how grown up she was for her age, understandably she probably had to grow up quicker than expected and naturally didn't have the typical childhood. I really liked how Alicia in the end set up an orphanage for other children who are in the same situation as her. I did enjoy this book and it was definitely different from other Holocaust books i've read however I did loose interest towards the end of the book.
Pages: 253
Rating: 3/5
I purchased this book about 4 years ago and shamefully have only just got around to reading it! I originally got this book at the Titanic museum in Tennessee and it just so happened that the author was there signing and selling his book. I'd never heard of the book before but was interested to read this mans book (and to get him to sign it). This book contains any information you would ever want or need to know about the ship, its voyage and the passengers who travelled on the liner. Overall I found this book quite interesting and would really recommend it if you are super interested in the Titanic. This book goes into extreme detail about how the ship was made and all the statistics about it. It can at times be a bit overwhelming and hard to picture its true size.
The facts I found most interesting were about the passengers themselves as I liked to find out about their backstories and wether they survived the tragic event. It was also fascinating to read about the passengers that had bought tickets but for various reasons ended up not going on the voyage and therefor saving their lives. One stand out story was about a man who survived the Titanic however a couple years later was hit by a cab in New York and died.
One thing you realise when reading this book is that the Titanic was bound to have an accident or crash. This is because they cut so many corners such as not giving it a long enough test drive just in case it pushed back the voyage date. There was a fire on board ship and things took longer than expected and were there for rushed. Another aspect I found really shocking was the amount of life boats on board. They had enough to please the standards regulation however there wasn't nearly enough to take the amount of people on board hence why so many lost their lives.
This is a thoroughly interesting book however there is a lot of statistics and numbers that really just went over my head.
I hope you enjoyed this mini review and below is my corresponding video.
So I recently recorded a video talking about my my experience with anxiety and panic attacks. I did this for those who don't want to sit and read my essay long post that I wrote earlier this year! I hope this video will reach out to those also suffering with anxiety/ panic attacks/ depression or any other mental health issue in hope of showing them that they are not alone. Below I will link my video as well as any anxiety related posts I have put on this blog.
I'm really excited to bring you this book review today as I gave this book 5/5 stars. Origin by Jessica Khoury is set in South America in the middle of the rain forest and follows Pia a 18 year old girl who has been bred for immortality and lives within a compound called "Little Cam" who's main aim is to breed an immortal race.
Pia lives day to day learning about her immortality and training to one day become a scientist herself at Little Cam. However curiosity becomes the better of her when she finds a hole in the compounds fence and decides to venture out into the unknown jungle. Whilst looking around she meets a boy called Eio. Eio shows Pia what it's like to live so to speak in the "real world" and Pia starts to question her life in Little Cam.
I want instantly gripped by this book which is something that hasn't happened for a while. I was really intrigued by the setting and it makes you question wether places like this could possibly exist. I was really drawn to Pia as a character and how she had to grow up being the only child of her age and subsequently had to make friends with the animals to compensate for the lack of people.
Being in Little Cam Pia is very sheltered from the rest of the world and its vast amount of people, countries and technology. All the scientists have had to agree to not bring in or talk about anything to do with the outside world however when a new scientist called Harriet comes in she starts to bend the rules and expose Pia to life outside the compound.
This book really kept me engaged and I wanted to read on to find out more about the secrets that lied in the jungle and Little Cam. Overall I really enjoyed this book and seeing how Pia and Eio's relationship grew throughout the story. Looking on Goodreads this book does have many mixed reviews so it may not be for everyone however I certainly would recommend this book.
I've filmed a corresponding video over on my YouTube channel which you can see below.
So like most of my anxiety posts they're always written pretty spur of the moment when I feel like sharing my thoughts and experiences.
I've been holding off writing this post for a while as the subjects I'm going to talk about are very personal but I feel a shift in how I feel now and think its time to just get it out in the open.
I'll link my initial anxiety post here for if you want a bit of a back story to my anxiety and how it all started.
So the main subject I'm going to touch on in this post is about medication and what it can do for anxiety and my experience with taking it. I'll also briefly touch on my depression and how I feel it was linked to my anxiety.
So back in May I wrote a post about how I had done a series of hypnotherapy sessions which I will again link here. I mentioned that I think it helped to relax me however day to day I didn't feel it was that effective as I was still getting weekly sometimes daily panic attacks. I then said that I felt my next step was to go to the Doctor's and seek some medical help. Usually I'm someone who will hold off taking paracetamol or drugs when possible but for me this was a no brainer step and I felt that this was the right time to try some medication after trying so many different things already.
After having to wait a couple weeks for an appointment ( how ludicrous) I finally sat down with a doctor and told her about my panic attacks and what I'd already tried to help deal with it. She agreed with me that I hadn't rushed straight into taking pills and that I'd really chosen it as a last resort measure. From there she gave me a prescription for a pill to take once a day and advised to see me again in a months time. She did mention that this pill not only helped for anxiety but they also prescribe it for depression. Now I wont mention what pill I am taking as you really have to have the right one for you, plus its quite personal.
I'm now going to backtrack a little bit. Before, during and after my hypnotherapy sessions I was battling with some depression (that I feel was partly linked to my anxiety). For a while I kept it to myself and thought it would just pass and sometimes it did ... but it would always come back again. At the time I just thought i'd ride it out not tell anyone and hope it would just go away one day. I just didn't want to go to work and even found myself crying whilst driving or in the staff room before a shift, I love my job so I knew something wasn't right. I'd just be really down in the morning about going and would hide how bad I felt through joking about it. Previous to this year I have had spells of depression (especially during my brief time at university). One event that sticks out most to me is when my Dad and I went and saw Jersey Boys perform in the West End in London. I was really looking forward to seeing it and spending some time with my dad but during the show I just felt this wave come over me that prevented me from really enjoying the show and ultimately ruined the experience for me. At the time I just dealt with it by myself didn't tell anybody and I thought I could do the same again this time.
However one night I was having a particularly bad attack when I just broke down to my mum and confessed everything I was feeling. We agreed it was time to see the doctor.
So I'm about 2 months into taking these pills and I can honestly say that I feel so much better. To start with the panic attacks did get worse and I got one common side effect but that was all to be expected and completely normal. My Mum and other people around me have also said they can see a difference in me and the way Im acting, that I just seem happier. I feel like I can talk about this now because I'm in a different state of mind. I feel a lot more positive about life itself and don't see everything as being such doom and gloom. I'm much more willing to see friends and go out whereas before the pills I literally didn't want to go out or see anyone. I've had a huge amount of support from family and friends both new and old and I'm really grateful that I am able to talk to them about what I am going through.
Since taking my pills *touch wood* I havn't had a panic attack since and things that would usually trigger anxiety havn't been. I really feel positive now about my future and for it to be less about my anxiety and more about me!
I definitely wouldn't suggest going straight to pills if your suffering with anxiety or panic attacks but I do feel for me that its been the most effective and has been for other people I've talked to who also deal with it.
Theres such a stigma about mental health especially when taking pills is involved but really who are we to judge something someone can't help?! For me I don't care that I take them because at the end of the day they make me happier and control my anxiety.
As always if you have any questions or need someone to talk to about anxiety, depression or anything else I'd be more than happy to listen and talk about it.
So today is going to be a trilogy round up of Quarantine by Lex Thomas.
(Lex Thomas is the pen name that two authors write under).
Quarantine is a series about a high school on lockdown after a deadly virus is exposed to the teens and they are forced to live and be quarantined within the school. I will be reviewing each book and will notify when spoilers will be present.
Rating: 5/5Pages:
The first book is "The Loners" and starts of with there being "a drop" in the school playground that the kids are all anticipating. We don't know why or what has happened at this point. It then goes back in time to before this big event and we meet the two main protagonists. David and Will are brothers of which it is Will's first day at high school. They are walking the hallways when all of a sudden there is an explosion and the teachers start to throw up blood and instantly die ( If you think that's too gruesome this book probably isn't for you). The book then follows David and Will as they try to come to terms with the fact they are trapped within the school wondering how they will survive and get food especially since they aren't part of a group. The teens have taken it apon themselves to craft different groups such as "the pretty ones" or "the freaks". These are largely social status based but offer vital protection and food.
Let me start by saying the book is extremely violent and is probably not one for the younger readers(below 16?) There's scenes of swearing, sex, rape and acts of murder and it is just extremely brutal. Normally I would shy away from such violence however I really liked it in the book as it showed what lengths they went to to survive and how savage they had become. There was also a lot of thieving for food and people would trade whatever they owned just go get the basics.
We later find out that the virus only thrives in the bodies of teens and that it is deadly to anyone younger or older ( hence why the teachers died). We are also told that a teen who had the virus from an illegal experiment escaped and ran into the school in which the military then had to shoot at him and blew up part of the school.
In the foyer of the school is a scanner in which pupils go to on what is supposed to be their graduation day. Their grad day signifies the virus leaving their body and if the scanner recognises this then they are taking through a chamber and out of the school.
This book reminded me of The Hunger Games as it was very survival based and brutal but it also reminded me of The Maze Runner in which they had to learn to be self sufficient.
David ends up protecting a girl called Lucy and we find out that Will has had a huge crush on her however she likes David and we are faced with a love triangle storyline.
Overall this book really kept me gripped as it's very different from anything I've read before and again I actually really liked how gruesome and survival based it was.
The rest of the review contains events that happen late in the book and I suggest you don't read on unless you've read the first book. Below is a review I recoded over on my YouTube channel.
David is approached by some people called the scraps who do not belong to a group and ask him to be a leader for a group they want to be called " The Loners". David agrees and this is a natural progression for the book which I enjoyed reading about.
One day a student tries to escape during another students grad day and after that stint no more food is dropped into the quad. Things get really desperate for the teens especially for David as not only does he have a group to run but his graduation ay is approaching.
The day he's supposed to graduate the portal and scanner aren't working and David needs to find a way out to survive or risk death due to be surrounded by his friends.
Will, Lucy and the other Loners help David however we are left with a huge cliffhanger!
David find a tunnel to get out however the tunnel collapses on him and Lucy and we don't know if either of them have survived!
Finally a group of outsider teenagers manage to enter the school offering food and help. We are left not knowing who they are and if they are infected or not.
Needless to say I got straight to ordering the next two books and would highly recommend this trilogy!
Rating:5/5
Pages: 384
The second book starts off different from the first as we start to read from Will's and Lucy's perspective and are left to question what has happened to David. That being said it does pick up right where the first book left off with the group of kids called "The Saints" trying to free the quarantined students. Will and Lucy make a break for the exit and are so close to freedom when a school bus crashes into the side of the school and blocks their only way out. Faced with the reality that they are still trapped within the school the students turn to the Saints for answers about the outside world.
One of the ousiders tells them that other teens have been infected including the Saints and that family's were moving away from their children to protect themselves. The Army proceeded to shoot some of the infected teens and then put out a call for teens to hand themselves in however they didn't know that their fate would be a gas chamber. ( To me it sounded like a lot of what happened during the Holocaust and people handing themselves in not knowing what their future held for them.
Will and Lucy spot a outsider teen wearing an eyepatch that they instantly recognised as David's. When they approach the teen he tells them that he got it off a dead kid and this further backs up our thoughts that David is dead. For me I felt that his death was rather overlooked and didn't focus on it much however this did become apparent why at the end of the book.
Without David the group of Loners starts to disintegrate as they no longer have a leader to guide them. Members including Lucy reach out to new groups in hope of finding somewhere new to belong. Lucy decided to join the slut group and has to endure an initiation week... completely naked.
This leaves Will essentially on his own until Gates a member of the Saints asks him to become their leader. Will suddenly has to deal with this huge amount of power and pressure which I feel goes to his head a little.
It was really interesting to see the tables turn on Sam and to see him go from being the leader of the Varsity guys to being held hostage by the Saints and crumbling to nothing.
There became a point in the middle of the book where everyone seemed at peace with one another and their situation. They had all the supplies they wanted ( thanks to the help from the parents who visited them on the wall) and there seemed to be no major arguments between the groups.
I really liked that in this book you could read from Lucy's and Will's thoughts, experiences and perspectives. I especially liked getting to know Lucy more in the second book.
One overall point I want to make about this book is that it is just as brutal and violent as the first book which I actually really liked.
I'll stop there if you havn't read "The Saints" but if you have or want to see more of my thoughts on the end of the book then keep reading.
During Lucy and Will's time apart in separate groups they have an argument and from a reader's perspective you really want them to makeup and get together now that David's out of the picture and not complicating things. Surprise surprise not long after this point in the book they make up and even get down to... the deed... if you catch my drift.
One event that was quite unexpected and just reiterates how gruesome this book is was when Sam got killed by the pig that managed to get loose. It also showed once again how far Sam had fallen in such a short period of time. When I think of Sam being killed you would expect it to be in a fight probably shot or stabbed not mauled by a pig!
One character we start to get to know a lot in this book is Gates who is one of the Saints. Towards the start of the book we don't know that much about him but as the story progresses we not only find out about his past but I feel the school and the virus as made him go quite mad. Gates slowly starts to go crazy and hallucinate, he starts to believe that Will is his dead brother Colton ( who Gates actually killed).
The big twist at the end is when Will gets to graduate early, leaving Lucy truly on her own and we're left speculating what will happen to her and how will Will cope on the out side. When Will does get outside of the school who is he faced with but his brother! David's alive and thats where they leave it on a cliffhanger. Personally I really liked this ending as you are left with so many questions such as "How is David still alive?" " How's the rest of the state dealing with this virus?" and "How will the book end?". After reading this book I was really excited to see how the authors could possibly wrap up the trilogy and bring it all to a conclusion.
Don't read on if you havn't read the first two books.
Rating: 4/5
Pages: 272
The third book "The Burnouts" starts again exactly where book 2 left off which is a element I really like within this series. Book 3 is noticeably smaller than the first two books however I didn't feel as if there wasn't enough or too little content. After Lucy kills Gates in the first book she is kicked out of the sluts in the third book as their leader Violent also died in the same fight and the Sluts blame Lucy for her death.
One huge question left from the end of the second book is now that David's alive who is going to be in a relationship with Lucy?! We are back with the love triangle which is made even worse by the fact that Lucy is now pregnant with Will's baby! (This was a major unexpected twist).
One of the things David tells Will when he gets out is that there might be a cure for this virus and they begin to plan to find this cure. However when Will finds out Lucy is pregnant he is set on going back in to find her.
I'll stop there to save spoilers but if you want to find out more and get my review on the final book in the series then keep reading.
So Lucy is left pretty much on her own now that she is group less and stumbles across the "burnouts" who spend all their time making and taking any drug they can find in the school.(she also has a miscarriage, which we probably feel is for the best seeing what situation she is in). One twist to the story was how Hilary dies at the prom she puts on before her graduation. For me I felt like she had it coming to her and she finally got a taste of her own medicine.
David then helps the remaining kids escape the school and sees them reunited with their parents. Then the love triangle really comes to a head. Will gives Lucy an ultimatum to choose between him and David. When Lucy ultimately chooses David, Will flees town and is met by a group of people saying they have "the cure". Sadly this is not the case and the liquid they start to spray on the infected teen actually makes the start to throw up. When David,Will and Lucy start to see this they start to run but tragically Will gets shot in the head. As a reader we feel compassion for his loss but this seems not to be the case for David who essentially turns and leaves him showing very little affection. I also felt that Will's death was very abrupt in this book.
Now fast forward to the last chapter of the book. Lucy and David are reunited and the biggest plot twist of all is that Lucy is still pregnant! When she previously had her miscarriage she only lost of of 2 twins she was carrying! This was really unexpected and its sad that Will never got to know about this other child he had. This last chapter really left me hanging and I would of liked there to of been some kind of epilogue set in the future to see how they tried to get mack to normality.
Overall I really enjoyed reading this series as it really was a different read for me!
I would really recommend you start reading this series if it interest you and until next time,
