Anxiety Journal | Update End Of 2015

Hi guys so I thought I'd do a little update on my anxiety and how things have been progressing for me over the past couple of months.

So back in June I wrote a post on how I had started to take medication to deal with my anxiety and how it was really helping to prevent panic attacks. I'll link that post here.

Its been 6 months since I wrote that post and I'd like to think i've come a long way! In no way am I saying i'm cured or that i've completely got rid of my anxiety but I'm able to manage it a lot better and i'm not letting it affect my day to day life as much.

So back in August I met my lovely boyfriend. Unfortunately we live 4 hours apart and therefore that involves a lot of travelling to see each other. The thought of getting on a four hour train journey on my own was pretty scary I'm not going to lie. But I just kept thinking of getting to see my boyfriend and that what pushed me through it. On that first trip I did get some anxiety but I made sure to have lots of programmes downloaded on my phone to distract me and to make the journey go quicker. Being in a city i'd never been to before and only knowing my boyfriend there further added to the anxiety but he was really supportive and his family also made me feel very welcome. I did get a small panic attack whilst on a bus as we used a lot of public transport and the feeling of being trapped gave me some anxiety. During that time I just focused on breathing and the end result of when we got off.

Since then I've done many more train journeys with no trouble. I think it's because its quite the norm now just to get on a train and I know i'll be alright. The big tester however was getting on the plane to go on our family trip this past November. Usually I get very anxious on the days leading up to the journey but surprisingly I was feeling quite calm. I'm not sure if this was down to my daily medication I take for my anxiety of if it's thanks to the hypnotherapy I had earlier in the year which focused heavily on flying. Either way right up to and including the flight I felt pretty calm despite our flight being delayed.  I am really happy to say I went through both flights ( there and back) without having a panic attack! It did feel like a small miracle to be honest. I mainly watched films on the flight and didn't even need to use the colouring book I brought with me which I've had to use in previous journeys. One thing my boyfriend did for me which I found really helpful was he recorded voice messages for me to help calm me down if I was feeling anxious at any point. It was really reassuring to hear is voice and I could listen to them discreetly without anyone knowing what I was feeling.

Since then I have had a little bit of anxiety as I have been quite ill of late therefore it did upset it a little. Aside from that I am feeling a lot better and am feeling positive for the new year.

I've filmed a corresponding video which I will link below. There will also be another anxiety post coming up soon which focuses on how to help someone with anxiety so stay tuned for that.

Until next time, Sophie x

Anxiety Journal | Medication and Depression

So like most of my anxiety posts they're always written pretty spur of the moment when I feel like sharing my thoughts and experiences.

I've been holding off writing this post for a while as the subjects I'm going to talk about are very personal but I feel a shift in how I feel now and think its time to just get it out in the open. 

I'll link my initial anxiety post here for if you want a bit of a back story to my anxiety and how it all started. 

So the main subject I'm going to touch on in this post is about medication and what it can do for anxiety and my experience with taking it. I'll also briefly touch on my depression and how I feel it was linked to my anxiety. 

So back in May I wrote a post about how I had done a series of hypnotherapy sessions which I will again link here. I mentioned that I think it helped to relax me however day to day I didn't feel it was that effective as I was still getting weekly sometimes daily panic attacks. I then said that I felt my next step was to go to the Doctor's and seek some medical help. Usually I'm someone who will hold off taking paracetamol or drugs when possible but for me this was a no brainer step and I felt that this was the right time to try some medication after trying so many different things already. 

After having to wait a couple weeks for an appointment ( how ludicrous) I finally sat down with a doctor and told her about my panic attacks and what I'd already tried to help deal with it. She agreed with me that I hadn't rushed straight into taking pills and that I'd really chosen it as a last resort measure. From there she gave me a prescription for a pill to take once a day and advised to see me again in a months time. She did mention that this pill not only helped for anxiety but they also prescribe it for depression. Now I wont mention what pill I am taking as you really have to have the right one for you, plus its quite personal.

I'm now going to backtrack a little bit. Before, during and after my hypnotherapy sessions I was battling with some depression (that I feel was partly linked to my anxiety). For a while I kept it to myself and thought it would just pass and sometimes it did ... but it would always come back again. At the time I just thought i'd ride it out not tell anyone and hope it would just go away one day. I just didn't want to go to work and even found myself crying whilst driving or in the staff room before a shift, I love my job so I knew something wasn't right. I'd just be really down in the morning about going and would hide how bad I felt through joking about it. Previous to this year I have had spells of depression (especially during my brief time at university). One event that sticks out most to me is when my Dad and I went and saw Jersey Boys perform in the West End in London. I was really looking forward to seeing it and spending some time with my dad but during the show I just felt this wave come over me that prevented me from really enjoying the show and ultimately ruined the experience for me. At the time I just dealt with it by myself didn't tell anybody and I thought I could do the same again this time. 

However one night I was having a particularly bad attack when I just broke down to my mum and confessed everything I was feeling. We agreed it was time to see the doctor.

So I'm about 2 months into taking these pills and I can honestly say that I feel so much better. To start with the panic attacks did get worse and I got one common side effect but that was all to be expected and completely normal. My Mum and other people around me have also said they can see a difference in me and the way Im acting, that I just seem happier. I feel like I can talk about this now because I'm in a different state of mind. I feel a lot more positive about life itself and don't see everything as being such doom and gloom. I'm much more willing to see friends and go out whereas before the pills I literally didn't want to go out or see anyone. I've had a huge amount of support from family and friends both new and old and I'm really grateful that I am able to talk to them about what I am going through.

Since taking my pills *touch wood* I havn't had a panic attack since and things that would usually trigger anxiety havn't been. I really feel positive now about my future and for it to be less about my anxiety and more about me! 

I definitely wouldn't suggest going straight to pills if your suffering with anxiety or panic attacks but I do feel for me that its been the most effective and has been for other people I've talked to who also deal with it. 

Theres such a stigma about mental health especially when taking pills is involved but really who are we to judge something someone can't help?! For me I don't care that I take them because at the end of the day they make me happier and control my anxiety. 

As always if you have any questions or need someone to talk to about anxiety, depression or anything else I'd be more than happy to listen and talk about it. 

Until next time, Sophie x