Why I think every woman should vote this year.

As most of you will know if you live in the UK, this year we have the general election in which we choose our local MP's and Prime Minister.

After turning 18 just last year this year will be my first time eligible to vote, in previous years as a child I would walk with my mum to the polling station and have to wait outside whilst she cast her vote. At the time I don't think I really knew of its significance and it all just seemed a bit boring. 

However this year I feel very strongly that every woman should cast their vote if eligible. It's a chance to pick who runs the country and to feel like you are having your say in the matter when so many countries around the world have a autocratic government in which their people have no say in who rules the country. 

But my main reason why I feel women in particular should vote is to remember the Suffragettes and Suffragists who not only gave up their time to petition but also their lives and ultimately got women the right to vote in 1918.

Back in the late 19th and early 20th century women were seen as being too emotional and mentally unstable to vote. Men thought they should be seen and not heard and even used physical restraints and man handled women to do so. However these brave and bold women not only petitioned and marched but went on hunger strikes and took drastic measures to be heard.
I'm sure most of us have seen the horse racing event in which Emily Davison was trampled by a horse however she was also force fed 49 times whilst on hunger strikes and was jailed on nine occasions for her actions.

I feel personally I would be doing these women an injustice if I didn't cast my vote as they fought so hard to get our voices heard.
No I'm not forcing you to vote but I encourage you to think why not. Yes politics may be boring and you might not know who to vote for but don't you wan't to do your part and make a contribution to how the country is run?

A Book Review | Moloka'i by Alan Brennert

Rating: 4/5
Pages: 384

Moloka'i is centered around a Hawaiian seven year old girl called Rachel who lives in Honolulu. However whilst living there she contracts leprosy ( also known as Hansen's disease). Rachel is forced to be sent to the island Molokai within Hawaii to a leprosy settlement camp in Kalaupapa. There the only person she knows is her Uncle who was sent there before her also diagnosed with leprosy. This book is fiction however it is based off of true events. Between 1866 and 1969 Kalaupapa did have a settlement camp and people still live there today but there are no active cases of the disease. 

Throughout this book we see Rachel grow up on Molokai from the age of 7 all the way up to old age. I really enjoyed this aspect of the book as you really connected and grew up with the character. This book follows Rachel as she comes to terms with her condition, how she deals with it and even how she tries to cure it. 

When Rachel first moves to Molokai' she is forced to stay in a convent with other underage girls rather than with her uncle. This infuriates Rachel as he is the only familiar person to her on the island and she even risks her life one night to go and visit him. 

One main theme for me in this book is death as it heavily features throughout. Her uncle is just one of many people she has to say goodbye to throughout her life. The other theme that stuck out for me was family, not only does Rachel leave all her family behind but she learns to create friendships with people on Molokai that then become family to her despite not being blood relatives. 

One relationship that grew throughout the book and became more valued was that of Rachel and Sister Catherine who she first met aged seven at the convent. They started out not on the best of terms but as Rachel grows older they start to become friends and Rachel even saves her from committing suicide.

Due to the long time span of this book we see the introduction of a lot of technology, for example: planes, moving pictures and electricity in homes. We also get an inside view of what it was like for Hawaiians during the Pearl Harbour attack.

At times I did find it a little hard to take in all the native Hawaiian words and I think it would of been really helpful for there to of been a dictionary at the back for if you forget what a word means. 

If you haven't read the book or are intending to then DON'T read on as the rest of the post contains spoilers.

Rachel meets a man called Kenji and they end up getting married and having a baby girl called Ruth. However to prevent their baby from contacting leprosy they have to give her up for adoption within hours of being birthed. 

Rachel had to be tested 6 negative times for leprosy in order to be able to leave the island. When this eventually did happen late in life Rachel went in search for her family. She first found one of her aunts who basically shuts the door in her face and doesn't want to know her or to be reminded of what happened to their family.

She then found her sister Sarah who was more than happy to see her. Sadly one of her brothers also contracted leprosy at a young age and died quickly, therefore they thought Rachel would of also shared the same fate.

However what Rachel wants most is to find her daughter who she finds living in California. Her daughter Ruth was shocked when she heard her birth mother had Leprosy but was also pleased to learn her mother really had no other option but to give her up as the government forced Rachel and Kenji to.

The book ends with Ruth and her daughter attending her mother's funeral in Honolulu. It was nice that Ruth was able to see where her Mother grew up and too see how different it is to the United States. 

Overall I was really pleased with this book and I feel a lot more educated on what went on at that time in Hawaii and how people had to deal with leprosy and all the prejudice families faced when a member of their family contracted it. I found it really refreshing to read as it's like nothing I've ever read before.

Below is the review I filmed over on my Youtube page:

I hope you enjoyed this recap and review of the book.

So until next time, Sophie x

My Anxiety Nightmare.

Imagine yourself sat in a restaurant celebrating a friends birthday surrounded by people you know. You're catching up on all the gossip and opening presents. When all of a sudden you get a thought, a thought that should instantly leave your head but it decides to stay. You then become very hot and can't focus on what anyone is saying, your heart starts to race and you start to feel physically sick. You need to leave the situation immediately and get to the safe surroundings of home.
Well that was what happened to me one night last month when I suffered from what was for me just a mild panic attack. Anxiety and panic attacks are something I've struggled with for the past two years and is mainly travel and sickness related, happening mostly on planes or public transport. However lately it has moved more into everyday life and has affected going out with friends, attending uni and going to work. I warn that it's going to be a long post but I urge you to read it to the end.

 Mental health is not talked about as much as it should be and most people don't know how to react to the subject, I should also say that my experience with anxiety could be completely different to the next person's as it covers a variety of triggers and symptoms. I am writing this post to help people understand what some people go through and symptoms to maybe look out for in friends, family members and strangers. Don't assume someone's just not coping or that they can just get over something because our minds are the most powerful part of our body. I'm no expert or a doctor but this is just my experience. 

So let's rewind back to June of 2012. My best friend, myself and our mums wanted to have a girly night out to celebrate the end of our GCSE exams and we decided to eat at a local restaurant. I chose my usual chicken caesar salad and treated myself to a slice of chocolate cake for dessert. As the evening went on I began to feel unwell but didn't think too much of it. Needless to say it was definitely something! I had a severe case of food poisoning and I cannot be certain what caused it but i'm 98% percent sure it was the chicken or salad I ate that night. For weeks I was unwell and in that time I only left the house to visit the doctors. It then progressed into July and the time surrounding our year 11 prom in which I was still very much ill and devastatingly couldn't go and I'm still sad about it to this day. When I should of been getting ready with friends, taking pictures and enjoying the night instead I was taking antibiotics and feeling sorry for myself in bed.
So how does this relate to my anxiety?
Well I was stuck at home for about a month so I got very anxious when I had to leave the house incase I suddenly felt unwell. I remember one event in particular when I was shopping with my mum and I wasn't feeling too great and went and sat in the car whilst she finished up. During this time I became very anxious and desperately wanted to go home, I felt completely out of my comfort zone and even though we were 20 minutes it felt like hours.

Fast forward to mid August where we were on holiday in Florida I once again became ill towards the end of our stay. Due to my now very weak digestive system thanks to the food poisoning I picked up whats called "Travellers bug" and my dad took me to A&E section at the nearest hospital.

It was a day or so before our flight home and the doctor I had gave me some meds for the flight. 

Well that flight home I felt dreadful and and I believe thats when my anxiety over flying began.

Clearly I wasn't to ill to take my sunglasses off.
Image curtesy of my father, thanks.

Since then flying has been a real problem and on each flight I've had a panic attack, not to get too graphic but I repeatedly throw up and cry. Yeah its not pleasant or fun. The most ironic part of this is that I've been doing 8 hour flights since I was 5 months old and I used to be a very good flyer as a child.

Exactly a year ago I was about to get on a plane with my class from college and go on a trip to Iceland. The day before I became very anxious but thought it would just pass. However late that night and early morning I woke up having my worst panic attack yet. I went into my parents room crying and shaking and I made the decision I couldn't go on the trip. I barely slept and felt emotionally and physically drained. My parents tried to reassure me to get me on the trip and at first I think they just thought it was nerves however the longer it lasted the more they realised something was really wrong. I felt awful to have to miss the trip but the thought of being ill away from home was terrifying. I didn't want to repeat what happened in 2013 when we went on a college trip to Barcelona and I became very anxious and felt sick one morning, It was awful to be miles away from home with what felt like no one to look after you. Yes my tutors were there and I know they would of looked after me but it's never as good as having your parents by your side.

My anxiety can crop up at very unusual times but I now realise the main triggers for it and a lot of the time I cope by avoiding those situations (which in the long run is the worst thing you can do and facing a situation is much better). It mainly occurs when travelling is involved such as going on planes or train but also happens if i'm in a place I've never been before or am not familiar with. It can be triggered by situations where it may be deemed odd or rude if I leave early or if I feel I can't for whatever reason leave the situation. One quote that sums up my feelings on anxiety is "It's not the future you're afraid of. It's repeating the past that makes you anxious".

My anxiety has made a huge impact on my life and has prevented me from doing lots of things that I would like to do. It was a huge factor to why I left uni and as I said it stopped me from travelling the world. I find myself being more reluctant to attend social events with friends such as going to clubs or staying at friends houses as I need to be able to feel I can leave when I want if I feel anxious or sick and not be once again seen as rude or not fun for leaving earlier than planned.

There are tons of different symptoms and reasons for anxiety and everyone deals with it differently. I personally get this overwhelming fear of dread that leads to my heart racing, I start to get very hot and my senses become heightened. Then naturally when you get anxious your digestive system shuts down as a safety mechanism which makes me feel sick and all round unwell which then escalates my anxiousness of feeling ill and is one big vicious circle.

This post has taken me nearly 2 months to put together as I find it hard to even address this subject and I try to ignore it as much as possible. However since starting this post my anxiety has been more frequent and its frustrating as I can feel it creeping into more and more of my life. I've tried various things over the past year including, before flight medication, counselling and most recently hypnotherapy. No its not swinging watches and I'm not going to suddenly start acting like a chicken when you say a trigger word, in fact you feel/are awake the whole time and its actually extremely relaxing. I wouldn't say anything's cured me but I've become more educated on what my body's trying to tell me and why.

There's so many things I once wanted to achieve and its all been torn down by my anxiety and none of it seems to matter anymore. I am just trying to get from one day to the next without having some serious meltdown and believe me I've felt close to it before. I am so fed up of being restricted to what I can do because I'm too afraid of the if's and possibilities.

I know that there's skeptical people out there thinking how attention seeking, man up or that people have to deal with bigger things than anxiety in their lives. Well those people obviously have never been through it before or seen first hand a friend or family member go through it. Anxiety and panic attacks can be extremely demotivating and debilitating and I've even had a friend essentially imply and say to me "why can't you just get over it". To not understand someones situation is fair enough if you've never gone through it but it's like asking a drug addict "why can't you just stop". 

Here's some crazy facts for you about anxiety, teenagers today have as much anxiety as psychiatric patients in the 50's. Studies show that a decrease in social connectedness is partly down to this, we loose contact with friends, move jobs and are less likely to get married. Constant bad media also contributes as a factor. One thing I never knew until after I left is that there was a room at college where students facing anxiety, other mental health or daily problems could go to get away from anyone and relax a little. Its great that this support is there however how many other people like me never knew it was there because they keep it hush hush and low key.

I'm well aware that this post isn't structured very well but I have so much to say and just want to get it all down in some cohering sense. If anything I'm making peers, friends and family members more aware of what I deal with on a weekly basis and what signs to look out for not just with me but with other people. If you are ever out or on public transport and you can tell someone's looking anxious quietly ask them if they are ok and if you can do anything for them to help, even holding there hand because that or a hug can be the biggest relief just so they know that you're there with them. So how can you tell if someones anxious two main signs are that they look very tense and flushed or extremely pale. Here is one of my anxious faces for you to enjoy!

Another photo curtesy of my dad, he really does
 know how to pick his moments.

As you can see I try and put on a brave face but inside my body is screaming for help and to get me the hell out of that situation.

Currently I can't imagine a life without anxiety and panic attacks and I can't remember a time before it started. It feel's as though it's just always been there. But I don't want it to take over my life because if I do I would never leave the house and completely isolate myself. I wouldn't allow myself to have friends or a boyfriend because I would be too afraid that my anxiety would get in the way and I don't want that. Instead I am trying to push myself every day just to get out of bed not knowing what the day will bring. Yes my anxiety is my baggage but it is not me and I look forward to a day when I can spontaneously go on trips or immediately say yes to doing something with friends.

Anxiety strips you of who you really are.

I'm going to continue working on my Hypnotherapy and have also just bought some books to help with my progress. I'm positive that one day I will beat this and will continue to share my progress.


Now that I've completely shared my issues with the world I feel I'd better stop before I scare everyone that knows me away. If you've read this far then I congratulate you and also thank you for taking the time to read about my anxiety battle.

So if you've got a story to tell wether it be anxiety based or not I encourage you to tell your story because no one is ever alone in what they're feeling.

Until next time, Sophie x

A Book Review | The Bane Chronicles by Cassandra Clare

Rating: 3/5
Pages: 518

Hi guys to todays book review is on "The Bane Chronicles" but Cassandra Clare (and two other authors). It follows the Warlock Magnus Bane who features in both the Mortal Instruments and the Infernal Devices series. I really love the shadowhunter world that Clare has created therefore I knew I wanted to read this book no matter who it was about.

 This book contains lots of short stories all about 40 pages each which weave in and out with Cassandra's existing two series. Personally I think I would of preferred it as one story however I can see why it would appeal to those who prefer short stories. 

This book is definitely worth reading AFTER you've read both of Cassandra's series as The Bane Chronicles touches on events that happened in both series and we once again meet the same characters and even their descendants.

So let's touch on some of the stories. In one Magnus meets James Herondale who turns out to be Will's son and it's nice to see how the plot line continued from "The Clockwork Princess".

In the story "The Midnight Heir" we even get a recap of what happened in "The Infernal Devices" which I found nice as its been a year since I read them. In another story we go into the Hotel Durmot and read how it got into the state its in which was a cool backstory as you read about it a lot in "The Mortal Instruments". 

I gave this book 3/5 stars as I found that I enjoyed certain stories more than others. Overall I don't think I would read it again but it was nice to get those backstories and that little bit extra to Cassandra's stories. Once again I think if it was one continuous story with chapters I would of enjoyed the flow more rather that broken up stories. 

I still haven't  read the final three books in "The Mortal Instruments" series and that is something I may get to reading later this year.

Below is the review I filmed over on my Youtube channel.

Until next time, keep reading! Sophie x

A book review | P.S. I Love you by Cecelia Ahern

Rating:3/5
Pages: 470

P.S. I Love You is probably more well known for its film adaptation with Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler and I'm a big fan of it, therefore I was excited to stumble across a copy of the original book by Cecilia Ahern.  Because i've watched the film first I couldn't help throughout comparing the book to the film and thats what I'll be doing in this post. I also found myself not being able to imagine the characters any different from the actors that played them in the film.

P.S. I Love You is centred around a widow called Holly and how she deals with life without her husband. In the following months Holly receives letters from her husband that he had written for her before he died. He wrote one letter for each month till the end of the year. 

I love how real the story of P.S. I Love You is, it's something that thousands of widows have to deal with each year and I assume the feelings Holly's going through are quite relatable. 

Firstly the main difference between the book and the film is that Holly( and Gerry) in the book live in Ireland whilst in the film Holly only visits Ireland and Gerry's family. 

I thought that in the film we got to know Gerry more before he died whereas in the book Gerry dies early on in the plot line. 

I found that there were many differences to the film adaption so much so that at times they seemed like different stories that just seemed to contain the same initial idea. For example in the book Holly does get on well with Gerry's parents which for some it is probably a more relatable outcome however I felt sad that Holly didn't have that connection still with Gerry and his family.

I gave this book 3/5 stars as for me the book just wasn't as good as the film and the book had a lot of expectations to live up to. Having said that I still really love the storyline and would really recommend it to anyone who likes to read romantic book. 

The rest of the post contains spoilers to the ending.

Holly meets a barman called Daniel and over the course of the book we see them grow as friends and we as an audience want Holly to fall in love with him and have the oh so happy ending. However we once again get a very realistic ending and Holly decides they should stay friends. In the last couple of pages Holly bumps into Rob a guy she met and scared away in the local shop and we are left with some hope that Holly will go on a date with this guy and that she has started to move on with her life. 

I say this book is worth a read if you like the film however I think you would like it more if you went into it blind not watching the film and could create the characters in your head.

Below is the review I filmed over on my Youtube channel.

Until next time, Sophie x

My First Knitting Project! [Scarf For Beginners]

Back in January I had a lightbulb moment and decided that I wanted to start knitting. I had had no previous experience with knitting and my nan was the only one in the family who could, she has now passed away. So I really was going into it blind. In this post I'll be going over my experience with knitting for the first time and any tips i'd give to other beginners. I feel there's a big stigma around knitting and its definitely seen as being an older generation thing. However I'm here to represent the minority of teens that enjoy this craft.

I'll start off by saying I didn't follow a pattern to create my scarf and I basically winged it as I went along. So how did I learn? I turned to Youtube, naturally. I found a really helpful video on how to cast on and another to create the knit stitch which was all I used to make my scarf. You can watch those videos here.

So I thought I'd keep it simple 

and start with a knit stitch scarf. 

I bought my wool from a local haberdashery and was advised on which wool to pick. Its a blue denim colour and you can see all its information to the left & right.

 I then bought corresponding 4 inch needles as recommended on the wool label. I started off with shorter knitting needles and then bought a longer pair to accommodate the width of my scarf. As you can see somehow I managed to bend one of my pink needles. 

I found casting on quite easy however I did do it a little tight making it hard to knit the next row. During knitting my first few rows I did start again about 3 times either because I wasn't happy with how it looked or I tried to fix a dropped stitch and just made it worse. (TIP: If you don't know how to pick back up the stitch just leave it and carry on! In the long term you probably wont even notice on a project like this).

I found as I progressed through the project I was dropping a lot less stitches and it was becoming easier to do whilst watching T.V or Youtube as I didn't have to focus on the stitches as much.

I really liked the pattern and look the knit stitch created, I also feel it's quite forgiving when it comes to making mistakes. 

One extra thing I picked up during the project was needle stoppers/protecters just to prevent my project from accidentally coming off the needle.

For this project I used nearly two whole bundles and therefore I had to learn to join on a new bundle halfway through.  This is the video I used to learn how to do it. I'm not sure if you can tell but there is a slight difference in colour where I have joined on the new wool. I think this is either due to how I knitted on the new bundle or and more likely they were different batch numbers which I didn't check on purchase. However in person it is pretty impossible to tell. 

I found knitting to be very therapeutic especially the noise of the needles together. I enjoyed creating something that was handmade and one of a kind and it was nice to be able to do something that didn't rely on technology or electricity.

Towards the end of the project I knew I would have a long way to go if I wanted to make a straight long scarf due to the size of the needles and the width I'd made the scarf. At this point it was suggested to me to turn it into an infinity scarf and thats exactly what I did. I continued making the scarf just a little bit longer to be able to wrap around my neck comfortably and then learnt to cast off. You can see the video I used here. I found casting off easier and neater to do than casting on. 

      To make it one loop I had to hand stitch the two ends together using the same wool. 

I really made it up when it came to this despite watching the video above. In hindsight I should of left a longer tail of wool to stitch with as I had to join more halfway which then became more difficult to stitch with due to the knot.

As you can see below I had some puckering at the join as I cast off with more stitches than I casted on with. You can also see where I started on the bottom half and finished with a lot less imperfections at the top.

So I persevered and after about two months I finally finished my scarf. I definately learnt a lot a long the way and I am no way saying it's perfect but I'm super proud of myself for sticking with it and to be able to say that I have actually been wearing it. 

*Drumroll for the big reveal*

As you can see once worn you really can't see its little imperfections and the joining blends right in. 

I'm so glad I discovered this craft and I've already started on my next project. 

I feel that knitting really has a stigma for being an old lady/Grandma thing to do but there's such satisfaction to be able to make something and I would really encourage younger people to give it a try.

Thanks for reading, why not get knitting! Sophie x