Holocaust memorial day 2015 + my concentration camp experiences.

So today, Tuesday the 27th of January 2015 marks 70 years since the liberation of Auschwitz- Birkenau and it is known as the Holocaust memorial day. In light of todays event's I thought I would share my experience on visiting two concentration camps and my thoughts on being a Jew in 2015. 

Let me preface this by saying my fathers side of the family is Jewish therefore somewhat making me half Jewish and it is something I am extremely proud of. Yesterday I wrote a blog post on my top 5 Holocaust books which I'll link here. 

So back in March of 2011 I was given the chance along with others from my year group to go on a school trip to Berlin (which coincided with our GCSE history course). I immediately said yes as this was something I personally wanted to do. Some of the places we visited were the Wannsee Conference House where the final solution to the Jews was decided, Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp and the memorial to the murdered Jews of Europe. 

Wannsee Conference House

Sachsenhausen camp

The first thing I noticed when we entered Sachsenhausen concentration camp was there were no birds, it was a beautiful spring morning yet there was no noise. Trees were growing but there were no flowers, death still lingered 70 years on. I instantly felt very overwhelmed when walking through the gates marked "arbeit macht fret" and tears welled up. I found it a time to be alone and often shied away from my peers despite their comforting words. Sachsenhausen is known for holding mostly "criminals" and it's extensive medical experiments.

Our teacher (who was also Jewish) wouldn't take us into a gas chamber as he felt it would be too distressing however I was extremely curious to know what lied behind closed doors. One room he did take us to was an underground chamber in which they would hold dead bodies for their experiments. Everything about it felt like a gas chamber cold, dark and blood stained, as out teacher closed the door slightly I felt extremely confined and wanted to get out as soon as possible. We then went over to the museum in which you can see where one of the barracks was torched in 1992 by Neo Nazis, It disgusts me that such people are aloud to freely walk the place and that such groups still exist. 

In the Museum they had books and online software which gave the names of the dead. There I was looking at a book which contained my last name, it was then reinforced by my peers showing me on the computers. It's not a very common name therefore there is a high chance we are related, once again I felt the need to step away from my classmates and have a moment to myself. 

Memorial to the murdered Jews of Europe. 

Another monument we visited was the Memorial to the murdered Jews of Europe which features large blocks of concrete varying in different heights and sizes. I found it really moving to walk through and it felt like you could see the light at the end of the tunnel but it was extremely hard to get their due to the uneven flooring. Over the years the memorial has been subjected to vandalism. Whilst we were there both class mates and children were seen running through and on the concrete which I felt was extremely disrespectful to what it represented. 

Overall it is definitely a trip I will never forget. 

Auschwitz I

In February of 2012 my dad and I decided to take the trip to Poland to visit Auschwitz, it was something we had both wanted to do for a while and it was an unbelievable and completely different experience to the one at Sachsenhausen. As you can see from the photo above it had been snowing and therefore added to the experience as it made you imagine how cold they would of been in just thin rags. I can only imagine that they never got warm as I had about 5 layers on and a hot bath still couldn't warm me. 

We were taken on a guided trip around Auschwitz 1 and it was very educating to have someone tell you about all the different buildings. Once again it was extremely quite and all I could hear was the leader speaking and our boots on the snowy paths. We passed small cells, endless amounts of barbed wire and a wall where they would line inmates up and shoot them. 

One thing that surprised me was that you could smell death, literally there was a distinct smell in the air that can only be described as death and burning bodies. It is something that has stuck with me 3 years on. 

Parts of some buildings had been turned into museums and housed thousands of prisoners personal belongings such as shoes, suitcases and prosthetic limbs. 

Prisoner's glasses

Our tour guide then proceeded to take us to the gas chamber. I knew instantly I had to see it for myself however my dad was quite hesitant and only poked his head in. It was extremely eerie as you can almost hear the thousands of screams and see the scratch marks on the walls. The large room had only one window located in the ceiling where the officials would drop the poison in. I didn't want to stay in there for too long and proceeded to the room next door which housed the ovens for them to quickly and continuously burn the bodies. 

After that we were then taken a couple miles down the road to Auschwitz-Birkenau which is the main camp and famous for its elaborate entrance and train tracks. It was extraordinary to see the vast amount of space and we only walked a very small amount of it. We walked into what should of been barracks for houses yet it would of housed hundreds of people inside each one. I remember my dad and I didn't talk much as we were going around as we were too busy taking in our surroundings. 

 I naturally wanted to document everything I saw and took hundreds of photos, it wasn't until I got home that I saw something interesting in one of my images. A small number had been etched/written on the side of a bunk, I'm not sure what it meant but I can only assume that it was a prisoners number. You can see this in the bottom right corner. 

Overall I'm really glad that I made the trip as it was something that I personally needed to do. I felt extremely moved that I could walk around there FREELY with my dad and at the end of the day walk back out of those gates when so many couldn't. 

I asked my dad what he felt about our trip and he said "it was very sad and moving but he felt he had to go, if you want to see grow men cry that's the place to go".

The Holocaust is something we need as a generation and as humans to learn from and always remember otherwise it will happen again. This quote that I found in Auschwitz 1 is extremely accurate.

In 2015 we have already encountered the terrorist attack in France and anti-semitism is at one of its highest points, I feel that more needs to be done to support those who feel in fear just because of who they are or what they believe. I reiterate that I am extremely proud of who I am and where my family have come from and I will continue to voice my experiences and thoughts on the Holocaust as soon there won't be survivors left but just their stories to tell.

Until next time, Sophie 

My Top 5 Holocaust Books

In light of it being 70 years since the atrocities of the Holocaust I have decided to compile a list of my top 5 Holocaust related books. I have a real interest for ww2 and the Holocaust as I studied it at GCSE's and have myself visited 2 concentration camps. 

1. The Diary Of A Young Girl by Anne Frank: This book is a classic when it comes to non-fiction books. I'm sure you all know about Anne Frank and her story but if not it is about her and her Jewish family having to live in a secret annex for years to avoid persecution. It is a timeless book and is amazing to have it written as it was happening rather than many decades later.

2. Anne Frank Remembered by Miep Gies: Miep Gies is one of the few people that helped to hide the Frank and Van Pels families. I found it really interesting to get an outsiders point of view and to see what risks she took to hide them. This book not only features the hard times but also shows how Miep was still able to laugh during that period. It definitely one to read if you are interested in Anne's story. 

3. Annexed by Sharon Dogar: Sharon's book is of a diary style of which features what it would of been like for Peter Van Pels ( the young boy also staying in the annex) and what he might of been feeling during that time. Again it is a great to have another potential view on their situation and is a must read if you liked Peter and Anne's diary. I gave it 5 stars on Goodreads.

4. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak: This is another classic when it comes to Holocaust related books and since its publishing has been turned into an amazing movie. The book features a young girl called Liesel who stays with a couple in Germany in which they later have to hide a jew. The book follows how Liesel deals with the new addition as well as doing anything to get her hands on some new books. I would completely recommend this book to anyone who wants to start reading ww2 related books. 

5. Out Of Hitler Time by Judith Kerr:  This books is a bind up of three of Judith's books which are; "When Hitler stole pink rabbit", "The other way around" and "A small person far away" Despite reading this many years ago I remember really enjoying it and was one of the first ww2 books I read. It follows a girl called Anna who is just a child in the first book and then throughout the following books we see grow up. I would definitely recommend this series.

I filmed a corresponding video which you can see here.

If you've got any Holocaust or ww2 related books then leave me a comment I'd love to get some new recommendations. 

Until next time, Sophie

Books I want to read in 2015.

Here are just a few of the books that I want to read this year. Last year I felt that I really concentrated on reading my stand alone books and didn't want to spend time reading a whole series. I also usually like to read the trilogy or series at once so I end up waiting until all or most of the books have been published. 

1. The Jewel by Amy Ewing: This is a book I learnt about from Elle Fowler/AllThatGlitters21 on Youtube. It is about a girl called Violet who is purchased by the royal family at a surrogacy auction as it is well know than the royal family cannot give birth therefor they need someone to carry their heir. I don't really know much about this book except that it also features a forbidden romance. This is part of "The Lone City" trilogy in which the second book looks to come out later this year, therefore I'll probably read it around autumn/winter time. 

2. Kingdom Keepers - Disney At Dawn by Ridley Pearson: This is the second book in the Kingdom Keepers series of which I read the first in 2013. It's a children's book based around a group of kids who can enter the park at night and face the villains of Disney as the parks come alive. These books are a really easy and nice read for anyone who likes Disney not matter what their age. This second book is based in Animal Kingdom and there are 7 book currently in the series each focusing on a different place within Disney property.

3-6. The Divergent Series by Veronica Roth: I have already read Divergent 3 times and Insurgent once however since then I've been able to get my hands on the US versions of Allegiant and Four( because they are way better than the English versions). When Insurgent comes out at the cinemas in March I will want to reread the book and then I feel it is the perfect time to finish reading the series. I have heard very mixed reviews about Allegiant so let me know if you liked it or not in the comments... no spoilers please! If you look back at my 2014 books I wanted to read post I also put Allegiant as I was yet to buy it.

7. The legend Trilogy by Marie Lu: Pictured is Champion the third in the trilogy that's because it's a signed copy I found ay Books A Million. Therefore I firstly need to buy legend and Prodigy. Once again I'm not sure of the plot line except that it's a dystopian world set in the US that is at war with a newly formed Republic within the Western area. Once again Legend was one of the books I wanted to but didn't get around to reading in 2014. 

8. Rebels: City of Indra by Kendall & Kylie Jenner: Finally I purchased this book back in the summer and have already picked it up once to read and for some reason put it back down after a couple of pages. From what I can gather on Goodreads its a Dystopian world that has two parts, a wealthy culture in the sky that overlooks the poor slums below. It's about two girls that each live in one part of Indra and I think that they may cross paths at some point. 

To see me explain these books in more detail head over to my newly revived Youtube channel where I did a corresponding video on the books I want to read. 

To see how I do this year with reading these books then stay followed to my blog and also visit my good reads page here.

Until next time, Sophie 

Why I left university after a week.

So this post has taken a long time to start writing and to be honest I have no idea what I'm going to say. There's a lot of reasons and feelings in my head and I feel that I need to address them if only to myself and so I can look back at this decades from now. I don't want to try and persuade people to "drop out" (god I hate that term, it suggests I wasn't trying and not working towards my grades) but if just one person stumbles across this post and it helps them realise uni isn't right for them then writing this has been worth it. Yes a week seems a very quick amount of time to make such a big decision but unless you live in someone's shoes or have gone through the same feelings and experience then you will never quite understand.  I know that from the title there will be a lot of judgement and i'm not trying to justify it to you because for me it was the right thing to do so I just ask that you take the time to read why I left uni after just one week. 

So let's start at the beginning. I was one of those people who (thought they) knew the path they wanted to take. I knew I wanted to pursue photography and therefore took a two year extended BTEC course at college. From there the obvious next path for me was to go to uni and specialise further in the field. For me this was photojournalism with an interest in sport and live music. So I applied to various university's, went to the interviews and got offered multiple places. I then confirmed my offer payed for my housing and applied for my student finance. All seemed great, I bought stuff for my new room and packed everything up ready to make the move. To where? Cardiff and the University of South Wales. I was excited but extremely nervous at the same time (which is obviously expected). So the 20th of September rolls around and I wake up extremely emotional; from waking up to saying goodbye to the pets and leaving the house I cried. I suddenly realised how real all of this was and that I was about to become completely independent and self reliable. To some that sounds great but to me that sounded terrifying, yes call me sheltered or not grown up but ever since I turned 18 just over a month before the prospect of officially being an adult was something I just wasn't ready to face. I felt that i was given too many responsibilities too quickly (if even in reality it wasn't that much) maybe that comes with being a summer baby and growing up with peers who are almost a year older than you.

So it took a long 3-4 hours and around midday we got to Cardiff and my accommodation. It then took us about 2 hours to unpack all of my stuff... and boy was there a lot. As you can see from the pictures below the room was amazing! It featured a double bed, tones of storage, and an en-suite with a rainfall shower head. It felt somewhat like a hotel and I have nothing bad to say about the actual accommodation because they were more than friendly and helpful and I would completely recommend Student Castle to anyone, especially if they are studying at the Atrium.

I was along with one other person two of the last people to move into out 7 group flat, as most of my other flatmates wanted to take advantage of going out despite it being the weekend before Freshers. I quickly realised that this left me with very little kitchen space as they of course had claimed their own spaces. Yes that was partly my fault arriving late but I didn't want to come in on the first day and start negotiating cupboard and fridge space. I also realised that 4 of my flatmates seemed to already know each other which was a massive coincidence but made it harder to socialise with them.

Now I admit I can be quite a quiet person and don't find it as easy as others to socialise. However I found that they were all really welcoming and friendly and that really had nothing to do with my leaving... except for the fact that a certain few were really messy and coming from what I like to think is a really clean house, I just couldn't face dealing with it day on end.

So that Saturday night I went out with my parents for a final dinner and I just had the looming feeling that it was all building up to them leaving the next day. That night was probably the easiest night though as I knew I would still see them the next day. Sunday came and I cried on the phone to my parents, it was decided that my mum would take the train home and my dad would stay in Cardiff for the week so he could do work but also to keep an eye on me. Now that being said It's not as if I get homesick easily or can't be away from my parents as I've been on various school trips to the likes of Berlin and Barcelona, however the difference is that I was surrounded by people I knew and could trust. In Cardiff I felt like I knew no one,yes we have some family friends in Cardiff but I see them very rarely and even though I know they would do anything for me in a crisis I felt that I didn't have a close circle of people around.

So the following few days are now a bit of a blur to me but here are the basic facts.  That weekend and the following week I suffered with the flu/cold. Firstly this prevented me from going in to my first few introductory lectures (also during freshers week) so I felt I missed out on that initial bonding with class mates and when I did go in it seemed as if everyone had made their little groups of friends and I felt quite isolated as I sat through a lecture with no one talking to me.  Because I was ill I naturally didn't want to go out drinking and partying for Freshers. This didn't bother me that much though as I am definitely not big on drinking heavily and going to clubs. During that week I stayed at my dads flat because who doesn't want their family to look after them when their ill rather than being isolated in noisy halls. In that sense I limited how much time I got to know my flatmates however when your trying to sleep I definitely didn't need to hear doors slamming and late night pre drinks parties.During that first week my anxiety was high, mainly set off by being ill. I plan to write a separate blog post on this but in a nutshell the main focus of my anxiety and panic attacks sources from being ill and not being able to get home/a safe place. Therefor being ill in an unfamiliar city and the thought of  being sick in lectures was overwhelmingly scary and unimaginable. I found myself crying in the shopping centre and waking up at 4 in the morning with my heart racing and feeling sick. During this time I was very thankful that my Dad was around, not only did he encourage me to try to get out but also knew that I just wasn't happy and I also recognised that in myself. One poignant moment was when we were sat having lunch in Wagamama's and usually I would be really happy to be out spending time with my dad but knowing at some point I would have to go back to my halls overshadowed my happiness. That same mealtime was spent listing pros and cons of staying at uni, needless to say there weren't many pros.

Somewhere through that week I realised that the uni experience just wasn't right for me. The mixture of feeling isolated, missing what was familiar, having increasing panic attacks and thinking my course was a little repetitive to what I had done at college resulted in me filling in my withdrawal letter. So on Tuesday the 30th of September just 10 days after arriving in Cardiff I gave in my letter to the uni and walked out feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted and I finally smiled since being there. With this I want to say that I still really recommend the Uni of South Wales the facilities and location are both amazing and my tutor was extremely supportive with my withdrawal.

That same Tuesday we packed up all of my stuff (luckily we were able to relet my room the same day! It was fate) and drove back home. I was very happy.

Bye Bye Cardiff.

Then the realisation hit that what was I going to do? I thought I had the next three years planned and now I had nothing. I took a few days just to reflect, relax and think of what I wanted to do next. What came from that was knowing that I needed to find a job of some sort and so I looked to retail. I handed in a few cv's that were advertising for xmas staff but a week later and I still hadn't heard anything. Then one Sunday Mum and I went to a vintage fair and whilst we were there I decided it was worth handing in a few more cv's. I handed in one to Waterstones as they were advertising and then decided to try my luck in a shop that wasn't. They took my cv and within 20 minutes in which we were driving home they phoned my to see how available I was, seeing as I wasn't at uni I was completely flexible and they offered me a phone interview later that day. I then passed that and they offered me a face to face interview. Then an hour later again on our way home they offered me the job! Nearly 3 months later and they've offered me a permanent place and I'm thrilled to be working there. All in all it was a month or so between leaving uni and starting my new job, in that time I kept myself busy by helping out at home and largely by creating my dads new website to showcase his antique slot machines which you can see here.

It's not what I originally planned on doing but for now I'm happy. I don't know how long I want to work there wether it acts like a gap year or is for a few years. I still want to pursue my photography in some way particularly in live music( You can visit my photography website here.) After I left I was the one being hard on myself for leaving, I felt like I'd not only let myself down but my family down(even though they didn't think that). I would of been the first one of my mothers immediate family to go to uni and it saddens me that my nan knew I would be going to university before she passed yet I didn't fulfil that dream. However I learnt that my family is super important to me and will support me no matter what path I decide to take. Yes I self doubt myself a lot and often think that  I might be in retail forever on a lowish wage. It scares me not knowing what the future holds and that my photography may simply end up being a hobby. What I do know is that everything happens for a reason and that I just have to live day to day and see what happens.

So that's my experience on uni if only a short one. This was a super big decision for me to make and one that shouldn't be done lightly. I talked to family, friends and uni advisors about my options but at the end of the day only you can make the final decision. There is no point being unhappy and in debt just to say "I graduated from university" or fulfil a family member's dream. Many people don't go and still become super successful and fulfilled with their lives. No one should be made to feel not good enough or disappointed in because they decide to leave in fact you have made one of the most maturest decisions of your so far short life. I left within a week, many leave after a year or two but everyone's experience is individual and remember you can always reapply to a different uni or a different course at a later date. For me though I can't see this happening or at least for the near future. I've only scratched the surface in this post but for now I think that's enough, congratulations if you made it the whole way through! 

Thanks for reading, Sophie x

Christmas Book Haul.

Last year I asked for a shed load of books for Christmas and this year was no exception. 

I received 11 books in total and read 3 before the week was over. I rated these three over on my Goodreads page which you can see here.

1. Annexed by Sharon Dogar: This is the most recent book that I've finished and I loved it! Dogar took Anne Frank's story and wrote the events from the perspective of Peter Van Pels( who lived with his family also in the Annexe). I found it fascinating to have another point of view of their time and what it could of been like for Peter. I gave it 5 stars on Goodreads and would recommend it to anyone that likes non/fiction books on the Holocaust. 

2. The Devil's Arithmetic by Jane Yolen: This is another book that I've already read and again it was a good, quick read. It is about a Jewish girl called Hannah who is fed up with Passover and bored by hearing her Grandpa go on about the Holocaust. However when Hannah opens the door as a Passover ritual she is transported to the 1940's and faces the Nazi's for herself. It really reminded me why we should never forget the atrocities that happened. 

3. City Of Women by David Gillham: So i'm not quite sure what this is about except that the protagonist is a german soldiers wife who still has feelings for her former lover who is a Jew. This sounds like a really interesting plot line and I hope to read this book next. 

4. Alicia by Alicia Appleman-Jurman: This Memoir is about a 13 year old girl who lost all of her family to the Nazi's but then goes on to save the lives of thousands of Jews. It's gotten really good reviews on Goodreads so I expect I will enjoy it. 

5. Heads In Beds by Jacob Tomsky: This book is about Tomsky's journey through the hotel system from being a car valet to managing a department. I gave it 3 out of 5 stars on Goodreads as I wanted to hear more juicier stories of what goes on behind the scenes. 

6. Moloka'i by Alan Brennert: Somehow I managed to stumble across this book and really don't know much about it but I was really interested to read about Hawaii. It is about a young girl who is taken away from her family and sent to a isolated leprosy settlement.

7. The World According To Gogglebox by Jazon Hazeley: This was the first book I read and finished it on Christmas night! If you live in the UK you will know of the show Gogglebox where we go into families homes and watch them react to the weeks t.v programmes. In the States and Canada there's a version of it called "The people's couch". The book contains interviews with the family from how they met to what's their favourite shows to watch. There are some great cartoons included as well! Its a great coffee table book and I gave it 5 stars on Goodreads.

8. Girl Online by Zoe Sugg: Its no surprise that this was probably on most teenage girls Christmas lists this year. To be honest I have not much of an idea of whats its about except for the protagonist is a girl with a blog who has a love interest. I have no expectations going into this book so I hope to be pleasantly surprised. 

9. Just Between Us by Mario Lopez: I have been a massive fan of Mario Lopez since he played AC Slater on "Saved By The Bell", therefore I was really excited to see he had written a book. I actually tween Mario a picture of my book saying I can't wait to read it and he actually tweeted me back! I was astounded that he did so.

10. The Bane Chronicles by Cassandra Clare, Maureen Johnson, Sarah Rees Brennan: I'm a big fan of Cassandra Clare's work but I have to admit that i've never heard of the other two authors. I love the shadow hunter world and can't wait to be submerged into it again.  

11. Funny Girl by Nick Hornby: As soon as I read the blurb for this book I knew I had to read it! It contained the words "Lucille Ball" and "I Love Lucy", I was sold. Its about a woman in the 1960's Britain who really admires Lucille for paving the way for female comedians and she wants to follow in her footsteps. 

So theres the 11 books I received for Christmas so look out for some book reviews coming soon!

Sophie. 

Hello 2015.

Over the past couple of months I feel that i've neglected this blog and that's something I feel strongly about changing this year. I've been having a long think about what I want to post on here and I have a few ideas lined up for the near future. Overall I've really enjoyed posting my book reviews and that is something I definitely want to continue with. To catch up on what I've been reading have a look over at my Goodreads page which i'll link here. One of my other interests is all things Disney, Walt Disney World and Pin Trading therefore I'd like to post about that from time to time. Other subjects I want to write about include my experience going to university and my battle with Anxiety. Stay tuned for some new posts!

Sophie